"feeling conflicted"

I lay here alone,
wishing I was someone else,
but knowing that I must
be happy with who God made me to be.

Ever have one of these moments?
Haha yeah, that above is how much I suck at writing poetry. We'll leave that to Janae and Kat and them.
Ah well.
So you know how people always say "Life's too short to have regrets"?
Well, they're right.
Guys, never not do something because you're scared of being judged. Yeah, I say all the time that "I don't care what people think", etc, but seriously? Who believes that? Most of us act that way but somehow, deep down inside, every bad thing we've ever heard said about ourselves sticks with us. And we remember it. ALL OF IT.
I remember in (correct me if I'm wrong, because this is a memory I tried hard to forget.) 7th grade, when I earned the title of "Slut." I thought my world was ending.
Now I'm at a huge public school, and I've heard it all. Slut, whore, ugly bitch, you name it. But the funny thing is, it hurt more coming from people I don't know.
Why?
Because they don't know who I really am.
When Chris called me a slut, he was pissed, and he probably still hates me, but that's his loss now. I've long since moved on from his sorry little big-foreheaded self and forgotten about him and his petty little insults.
When those blondes in the bathroom called me that, it cut deep. If someone's first impression of me is "ugly bitch," then clearly, one of us is doing something wrong.
And I certainly, desperately, hope it's not me.
That's all for tonight. I love you guys.
PS: Next post will be more cheery. Sorry bout that.
PSS: On the upside, things are looking up for the whole Ty vs. Sam thing. Up for me, at least. Perhaps not the rest of ya'll. ;)
Much love.